?I used to be in show busines...
?I used to be in show business. I had a very spectacular act.? ?What did you do?? ?I used to dive into a wet sponge from a height of fifty feet. But then I broke my neck.? ?Did you miss the sponge?? ?No. Some idiot squeezed it dry??I?d like some really tight j...
?I?d like some really tight jeans.? ?Certainly, sir. Will you walk this way?? ?If they?re as tight as yours I?ll probably have to.??I?d like to order a bar pizz...
?I?d like to order a bar pizza,? the idiot says. ?Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices,? the barmaid asks. ?Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.??I?d like two pork chops,? as...
?I?d like two pork chops,? asked the woman to her butcher, ?and make them lean.? ?Yes ma?am,? said the polite butcher, standing then on end. ?Which way???I?ll have you know,? said th...
?I?ll have you know,? said the snob to his date, ?my father is a famous man in this town. He?s a Lion...a Moose?and an Elk.? ?Wow!? said his date, ?and what do you charge to see him???I?m not at all satisfied wit...
?I?m not at all satisfied with the evidence against you,? said the judge to the prisoner on trial, ?so I shall find you not guilty. You are discharged.? ?Oh, good,? said the prisoner, ?does that mean I can keep the money???I?ve never flown before, sai...
?I?ve never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. ?You will bring me down safely, won?t you? ?All I can say ma?am,? said the pilot, ?is that I?ve never left anyone up there yet!??If you got guts.? Sell your ...
?If you got guts.? Sell your car and become a pedestrian.?Is there anything wrong?? as...
?Is there anything wrong?? asked bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring grimly into his drink. ?Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars? said the man. ?That doesn?t sound like anything to be upset about,? said the bartender. ?It should happen to me.? ?Yeah,? said the sour young man, ?but last month an uncle on my father?s side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars.? ?So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?? Asked the bartender. ?This month ? so far ? not a cent.??Is your new horse well-behav...
?Is your new horse well-behaved Charles?? ?Oh, yes Phil. When we come to a fence, he stops and lets me go over first.??Jenny!? screamed her mother,...
?Jenny!? screamed her mother, ?why are you feeding birdseed to the cat?? ?I have to,? Jenny replied. ?That?s where my canary is.??Johnny, I?ve had a letter fr...
?Johnny, I?ve had a letter from your Principal, said the father. It seems you?re very careless with your appearance.? ?Am I, Dad?? ?Yes. You haven?t appeared in school since last semester!??Look at that speed!? said on...
?Look at that speed!? said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. ?Hmph!? snorted the other. ?You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!??Mommy,? said the baby polar ...
?Mommy,? said the baby polar bear, ?am I one hundred percent pure polar bear?? ?Of course you are, son,? said his Daddy, ?Why do you ask?? ??Cause I?m f-f-f-freezing!??My son decided to go into bu...
?My son decided to go into business on a shoestring,? said Sal. ?He has tripled his investment, but he?s still not satisfied, can you believe it?? ?Why not?? asked his body Lance. ?He can?t think of anything to do with three shoestrings.?
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