Funny Kids Jokes - Part 16

MunnaBhai Jokes

1. PROFESSOR: Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI: Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha,Baap. Maa Kasam,par apun ko yeh nahin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
2. CIRCUIT: Bhai,Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nahin bolna mangta hai.Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nahin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI: Aye Circuit,wo Sunita ka baap aaya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT: Bhai us ko bolo apun gaon gaya hai,kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI: Par Circuit,abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nahin bolega.
CIRCUIT: Bhai, apun jhoot nahin bolega,par tum to bol sakta hai naa.
3. MAMU: Chand to raat ko nikalta hai,aaj din mein kaise nikal aaya?
GIRL: Ullu to raat ko bolta hai,aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
4. CIRCUIT: Bhai, wo apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe.Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI: Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT: Nahin Bhai,wo apna chain pehchan lega.
5. MAMU: Bhai,apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega.Kuch upaay batao.
MUNNA BHAI: Tamil kyun,aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU: Mainey ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai,aur wo char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
6. PROFESSOR: Akal badi ki bhains?
MUNNA BHAI: Bole to pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
7. MUNNA BHAI: Circuit,bole to yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI: To phir,yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bole to,simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole to Baelgaadi.
8. CIRCUIT: Aye Mamu,tere ko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU: Nahin.
CIRCUIT: To kha ke dekh le,pata chal jayega.
9. MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU: Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI:Yaad nehin hai yaar.Bahut purane baat hai.
10. MUNNA BHAI: Mamu,tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU: B.A.
MUNNA BHAI: Sala,do akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?
11. MAMU: Oye,mar gaye yaar.Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST: Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
12. CIRCUIT: Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT: Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
13. PRINCIPAL: Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya to first time 100 Rs fine,2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI: Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu.

1. Programmer produces code h...

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. 2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs. 4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs. 5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. 6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. 7. Users find 137 new bugs. 8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. 9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. 10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. 11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. 12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. 13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

1. Programmer produces code h...

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. 2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs. 4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs. 5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. 6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. 7. Users find 137 new bugs. 8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. 9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. 10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. 11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. 12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. 13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

1. Sickness: No excuses will ...

1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer’s statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work. 2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for. 3. Death, Other than Your Own: This is no excuse. If you can arrange the funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date. 4. Death, Your Own: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job. 5. Quantity of Work: No matter how much you do, you’ll never do enough. 6. Quality of Work: The minimum acceptable level is perfection. 7. Advice from the Commanding Officer: Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. 8. The senior officer is Always Right. 9. When the senior officer is Wrong, Refer to Rule 8.

Facts About Engg..

1. Some Basic definitions..
Engineering College : Place where you're punished for getting good HSC marks.
Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get some payback...
Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...
Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.
Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.
Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.
Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors co! me nearby. (No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)
Lectures : Waste of time. Physical presence is a must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignments & general TP
Tuitions : What you take when you don't waste enough time....
Professor : Perso! n paid to put students to sleep.
Vernacular Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual who comes packaged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You Out get from class." "Are you Understand, Beta?" )
Practicals : 60 to 90 minutes in which you watch the girls do your experiment, and usually destroy a considerable array of lab equipment.
Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in your group simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the equipment, and finally copy the readings.(from the girls of course...).

Simple Formulae!!!

1. SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT .
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot Com.
3. One Chinese Gymnast = Indias Gold Medal tally since 1896
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
5. Special Effects in Shampoo Ads = Special Effects in Jurassic Park.
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mums favourite serials.
9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent.
11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
14. 1 person + straigh hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay Dutt
15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film.

1. Ten percent of all car thi...

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. All polar bears are left-handed 1=2. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear 1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles 2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles 1=2. Work stuffs up your eyesight 1. All dogs are animals 2. All cats are animals 1=2. Therefore, all dogs are cats

1. The most important thing f...

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security. 2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff. 3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear. 4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully. 5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “an old rag”. 6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still expect you to compliment them. 7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t believe you.

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.Female...

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.Female......Any part under a car's hood.Male........The strap fastener on a woman's bra.2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.Male........Playing football without a cup.3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment)Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion.Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement and male bonding.7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes.

An Engineer's 10 Engineering Commandments Of Life

1. Thou shalt study only during the preparatory leave.
2. Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself. 3. Thou shalt begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission. 4. Thou shalt treat all marks above 40 as bonus. 5. Th! ou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
6. Thou shalt pass GRACEfully. 7. Thou shalt always be an OUTstanding student. 8. Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST 9. If thou can't convince them , confuse them. 10. Thou shalt start every sentence with a four-lettered word.

SANTA BANTA JOKES

1. Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

Santa & Banta's Jokes Khajana

1. Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!
-----------------------------------------------------
2.Two days of powercut in Delhi had made
life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi
Metro station where families of Santa & Banta
were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
---------------------------------------------------
3. How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and
dropped it from there to die.
--------------------------------------------------
4. Santa: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
-------------------------------------------------------
5. Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta,
who was just behind him in the line
said: I've seen ur password.
It?s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It?s 1394.
---------------------------------------------------
6. Santa falls in love with a nurse...
After much thinking, he finally writes a
love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
------------------------------------------------------
7. Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh
goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
--------------------------------------------------------
8. Pappu while filling up a form: What should
I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
-----------------------------------------------------------
9. Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
--------------------------------------------------------
10. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn?t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily
since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
-----------------------------------------------------------

1. Use as a doorstop 2. Use ...

1. Use as a doorstop 2. Use as a paper weigh 3. Use to clean your pots and pans 4. Use as boat anchor 5. Use as bricks in fireplace 6. Build a house with them 7. Use it to hold up your Christmas tree 8. Use as a pencil holder 9. Give it to the cat for a scratching post 10. Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels 11. Hold up your car when changing tires 12. Slice and use for poker chips 13. Use it to carve your turkey on 14. Use as replacement for Duraflame log 15. Take it camping with you…use it to weigh down the tent 16. Use it as a seat at a stadium event 17. Stand on it when you change a lightbulb 18. Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving 19. Replaces free weights when you work out 20. Use as book ends at the school library

1. WARNING: Consumption of al...

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

1. Well, it’s Liverpool...

1. Well, it’s Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I’ve got to fancy Liverpool for the win. 2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long. 3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record. 4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header. 5. Well, it’s a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts. 6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal. 7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn’t here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere. 8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win. 9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead. 10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.