Funny Kids Jokes - Part 23

A bar owner locked up his pla...

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. ?What time do you open up in the morning?? he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. ?Listen, the owner shouted, ?there?s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn?t let a person in your condition in??
?I don?t want to get in,? the caller interjected. ?I want to get out.?

A barber gave a haircut to a ...

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

A barber gave a haircut to a ...

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

A bear and a rabbit are takin...

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?" The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

A bear walked into a bar, sla...

A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said; "I'll be back in a minute." He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation. The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said; "You know we don't get many bears in here". The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender; "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"

A bear walks into a bar and o...

A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "Sorry, but we don't serve beers to bears in this bar." The bear bangs on the bar. The barman says, "Sorry, but we don't serve beers to bears in this bar, especially not bears who bang on bars." The bear grabs a passing barmaid and bashes her. The barman says, "Sorry, but we don't serve beer to bears in this bar, especially not bears that bang on bars and bash barmaids." The bear bellows at the other barman to bring him a beer. The barman says, "Sorry, but we don't serve beer to bears, especially bears that bang on bars, bash barmaids and bellow at barmen." In exasperation the bear bites the bar. The barman says, "Sorry, but we don't serve bears that are on drugs." "On drugs?" the bear says. The barman says, "Yes. I saw that bar-bit-u-ate."

A bear walks into a bar in Bi...

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

A beautiful, sexy, good looki...

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane...... The lady said to him ' Can you help me remove something from my breast please? ?The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?' "Your Eyes, idiot!"

A bechelor, just turned 40, b...

A bechelor, just turned 40, began feeling desperate. "I went to a singles bar," he told a friend. "walked over to this 20-year-old woman and asked, "Where have you been all my life? she said, "Theeting!"

Financial Management Without MBA.

A beggar found Rs 100/-.
He went to a 5 star hotel for dinner dere his Bill was Rs 3000/-.
When he said dat he as only Rs.100/- den, Manager handed him to police.
He gave Rs 100/- to police and was free....
It's called Financial Management without MBA.

A beggar goes door-to-door lo...

A beggar goes door-to-door looking for food, he rang on one door and a person comes out: -What do you want? Can I have some food? -Do you mind if it is from yesterday? Of course not -So, come back tomorrow!

Nice

A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman & said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him & said, "God, I wish I had your willpower

E65

A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman & said, "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him & said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

A bent-over old lady hobbled ...

A bent-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office. Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be. A man in the waiting room who had been watching her said in amazement; "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"
The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane!"

A bicycle can?t stand on its ...

A bicycle can?t stand on its own because it?s two tired.