Funny Kids Jokes - Part 3

HR Person - Heaven Or Hell?

(Is a little long, but very good)
A Human Resource Director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.
"Before you get settled in, though, it seems we have a problem. You see,strangely enough, we never once had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in", said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night they went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a goodtime that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good- bye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven", he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said. The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club, and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff..."

To Miss............ (A Love Letter)

(Please do read through to the end, its very interesting) The first day I met you, you smiled,
and I was not able to understand the importance
like an idiot. You always look to me as a
good honest girl and I hope my love is not an
object of contempt. It is true I always said
that I will remain a Bachelor, that is before
I loved you. That idea was just
spoken in a fit of optimism; It was
rubbish after seeing. I regretted
the days I did not speak to you or when not
seeing your pulverising beauty. If I proposed
I have a big doubt whether
you would accept. A negative reply should not
come from your cherry pink lips, and so
make my life miserable. To die
without expressing my love for you
would be preferable to that. Correspondance
are the only source of comfort for me knowing it
is a sheer waste of time with you. If you write to me
I shall be happy, but if you do not communicate
I shall be miserable and gloomy, for your letters
are a source of pleasure and failure to get them
always make me feel like committimg suicide.
With love and kisses,
.......................................

It is always said, that to get an inner meaning, we have to read in between lines. It is not so in this case. Read ALTERNATE LINES, starting from "The first day......" and come to your own conclusion. :)

Kalidas Ka Bhai

(Q). Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
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Answer) adidas

Kamal And Vimal

(Q). kamal ,vimal do bhai they,dono bus stop pe khade the.. bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai why???
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Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!!

Luv And Kush

(Q). Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why
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Because Luv is blind!!!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?

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OK lot's of head scratching done.
Answer is... Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

Sharukh Khan Aur Kajol

(Q). Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol chali gayi, par Sharukh bus pe nahin chada kyon??
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think harder...
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Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha...

Heart Is Umbrela

(Q). The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?

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Dil Chhata Hai!

Leaving India??

(Q). What will! u call a person who is leaving India??
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Socho...............
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Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

Woh Kya Hai

(Q). Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
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Socho socho
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aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

(This joke should be understo...

(This joke should be understood in the spirit that X'tian marriages in our part of the world are almost always arranged, divorces are rare & socially stigmatic. So spouses are tolerant) On the day I got married, my uncle gave me his piece of personal wisdom. He said: In the first year, the wife is obedient. She listens to whatever you say. So enjoy yourself. In the second year, the role changes & the husband listens to his wife. So it's her time to enjoy. In the third & succeeding years, there are no more such roles. So the neighbors listen to what you shout at each other. And they enjoy.

* Cats rule. Dogs drool. * Ca...

* Cats rule. Dogs drool. * Cats use a litter box. Dogs use your leg. * Cats will wait until you've read your morning paper before tearing it to shreds. * Cats look cute sleeping on the TV. Dogs crash right in front of the screen. * Why do you think they call it "Dog Breath?"

* I won’t stop bugging ...

* I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. * You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. * Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. * My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing. * Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy. * Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII? * How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond? * You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum. * You’re sweeter than glucose. * We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes. * Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me? * Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX? * Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen. * Isn’t your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com * You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

* I won’t stop bugging ...

* I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. * You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. * Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. * My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing. * Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy. * Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII? * How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond? * You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum. * You’re sweeter than glucose. * We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes. * Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me? * Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX? * Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen. * Isn’t your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com * You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

Funny Asians

* Your house smells like fried onions. * When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent. * There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them. * You make tea in a saucepan. * You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it. * You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes. * You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home. * Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years. * You call an older person you've never met before "uncle". * You hide everything from your parents. * Your mother does everything for you if you are male. * You do all the housework and cooking if you are female. * Your relatives alone could populate a small city. * Everyone is a family friend. * Everyone always called you for help on homework. * You study law, medicine or engineering at university. * You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead. * You know no one who has studied music. * You went to a university as far away from home as possible. * You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished. * Your best friend got married at the age of 18. * You only make telephone calls after 6pm. * You like the meat well done. * You eat onions with everything. * You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup. * You fight over who pays the dinner bill. * You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents. * You teach Westerners swearwords in your language. * You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you. * You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius. * You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on". * You secure your baggage with a rope. * You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up. * You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight. * You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family. * You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school. * Your Dad drives a Nissan. * You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.
- (For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm * You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go * When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning * To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid * You wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other * Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names * You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku * Your parents call all your friends "Beta" (son) whether they are PAK or not * Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds * Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day * Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try to demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting. * Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids. * At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan" * No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit. * Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/ lawyer/ engineer. * You're parent's always say, "It's cheaper in India/Pakistan"

*** Bengali Jokes:***

*** Bengali Jokes:***
An outlawed Bengali? Kanoon Banerjee.
An enlightened Bengali? Jyoti Basu.
A stupid Bengali girl? Balika Buddhu.
A Bengali marriage? Bedding
A mad Bengali? In Sen.
A dark Bengali who lives in a cave? Kalidas Guha.
A Bengali mobster? Robin Ganguli