Funny Kids Jokes - Part 41

A cop stopped a drunk at abou...

A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn.The cop asked, "Can you explain why you're out at this hour?""If I could," the drunk said, "I'd be home by now!"

A cop stops a man for running...

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.The gentleman said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'.The cop pulled the guy out of the car and worked him over for about a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?'

A cop was interrogating a ver...

A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?"The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."

A corporate executive receive...

A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours.Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list:FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.

A Counterfeiter

A counterfeiter
A counterfeiter decided that the easiest way to pass off his phony $18 bills would be to unload them in some small rural town, so he drove until he found a tiny town with a single general merchandise store. He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Could you change this for me, please?"
The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at the man. "Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6 bills?"

A couple attended marriage co...

A couple attended marriage counseling to resolve communication problems. The fighting and bickering during the session was so bad the counselor called for a timeout and told them he was ending the session early but had an assignment for the husband.
?John,? the marriage counselor said, ?you?re an athletic guy? here?s what I want you to do. I want you to jog 10 miles everyday for the next 30 days. At the end of the 30 days call me and let me know how things are going.?
John agreed.
At the end of the 30 days, John called the marriage counselor very excited. ?I did just as you said and I have never felt better in my life!? he exclaimed over the phone.
?Great!? replied the counselor, ? And how?s your wife??
John paused and then replied with agitated dismay, ?How should I know, I?m 300 miles from home!?

A couple buys this cute littl...

A couple buys this cute little dog. They take him home and two days later the dog becomes very lazy. It won’t eat, doesn’t bark, heck it doesn’t even move at all. So the couple decides to take the dog to the Vet. The Vet looks at the dog and then lays it on the floor. He then brings a cat into the room and sets it beside the dog. The cat crawls all over the dog for several minutes and then runs around the dog four times before the Vet picks up the cat and puts him back in his cage. The Vet then turns to the couple and says, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your dog is dead… That’ll be $225.00.” “$225.00?,” screamed the outraged man. “You expect me to pay you that much just to tell me my dog is dead?” The Vet replied, “It’s only $25.00 for the office visit and $200.00 for the Cat Scan.”

A couple came upon a wishing ...

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”

A couple came upon a wishing ...

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”

A couple came upon a wishing ...

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”

A couple came upon a wishing ...

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

A Wish Came True

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "

Wishing Well

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "

A couple celebrated their 25t...

A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. When they were asked what their secret was to a long lasting marriage they said: "We take the time to go out to a restaurant two times a week. A candlelight dinner, soft music and a slow walk home. She goes on Tuesdays, and I go on Fridays."

Marriage Blues

A couple drove down a country road for several "miles, not" saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
*
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..." The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
*
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
*
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the animal in me." "So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"