Funny Kids Jokes - Part 45

A customer comes into the com...

A customer comes into the computer store. I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging." "Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Vista?"

A customer sent an order to a...

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

A customer sent an order to a...

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn?t been paid, so he asked his collections manager to leave a voice-mail for them saying, ?We can?t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.? The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, ?Please cancel the order. We can?t wait that long.?

Good!

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread

Aircondition

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, then he asked that it be turned down because he was too hot, and so it went for about a half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient. He walked back and forth and never once got angry. Finally, a second customer asked the waiter why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

A Day In The Jungle

A Day in the Jungle
An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.
"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile.
The elephant answers, "That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago." The crocodile says, "And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory."
"Yep," says the elephant. "Turtle recall."

A dazzling woman goes up to t...

A dazzling woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy. Are you the manager? she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, No”, he replies. Can you get him for me I need to speak to him. She is running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. I’m afraid that I can’t, breathes the barman, clearly aroused. Is there anything I can do? “Yes, there is”. I need you to give him a message, she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. “Tell him that there is no Toilet Paper in the ladies room.”

A debt-overwhelmed man, hopel...

A debt-overwhelmed man, hopelessly poring over a pile of bills, suddenly shouted ?I?d give a thousand dollars to anyone who would do my worrying for me!? ?You?re on,? said his wife. ?Where is the thousand?? ?That is your first worry,? he replied.

A deer hunter at a hunting ca...

A deer hunter at a hunting camp bagged two deer, one more than the limit. He called his wife ask her to go to the local sporting goods store to get a hunting license in her name and bring it to the hunting camp.
While getting the license she took up conversation with a man who happened to be the Game Warden. "A wonderful thing happened to my husband...he shot two deer, and he wants me to bring this license up to his camp," she said.
"What say, Mam, that we go up there and we'll BOTH congratulate him," he replied.

A Defendant in a court case w...

A Defendant in a court case was in a precarious situation regarding his Federal indictment, and the subsequent preponderance of evidence of his guilt. The day of his appearance on the witness stand, the bailiff had sworn him in for his testimony and he was asked to swear on a Bible that he was telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The Defendant answered in his customary evasive style, "Show me the part of the Bible where there is a spelling error, and I will swear on that".

A defendant in a lawsuit invo...

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!""It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer."Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?""No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court."Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!"Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them.""But I did send them.", replied the man."What?" shouted the lawyer."I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."

A defendant in a lawsuit invo...

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."

A defendant was asked if he w...

A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. ?Jury trial,? the defendant replied. ?Do you understand the difference?? asked the judge. ?Sure,? replied the defendant. ?That?s where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one.?

A dentist, after completing w...

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him and asked; ?could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?? The surprised patient said; ?why doctor, it wasn?t all that bad this time!? The dentist said; ?there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don?t want to miss the four o?clock train.?

A dentist, after completing w...

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.