-Doctor,doctor,what did you s...
-Doctor,doctor,what did you say.... Piscis, Aquarius...??? -No! I said Cancer.!!!-EVER WONDER - - Why the ...
-EVER WONDER -- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? -
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? -
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? -
- Why is "abbreviated" such a l
....have you heard about the ...
....have you heard about the new Italian electric car?.....it's just $2000. But the extension cord is $12000....I Will Never Marry In My Life...
...I will never marry in my life...and
...I will give the same advice to my children also.
...the Blonde Who Shot An Arrow Into The Air
...the blonde who shot an arrow into the airQ: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Getting Fresh Air
: How does Bill Gates get fresh air into his mansion? A: One clicks on an icon, and a window opens!A little silver-haired ...
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says,
"Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Monkeying Around
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Funny One Liner-23
"I gotta 'A' in spelling."
"You dope! There isn't any 'A' in spelling."
Funny One Liner-18
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."
The Smartest Dog E...
The Smartest Dog Ever
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap! - Against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, no way! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
Bad Foods
A Doctor was addressing a large audience:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
Just A Push
A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the
defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."
The Count Down
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.
"10.." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."
Munna Bhai M.B.B.S On Practice9
Aanand jab end mien bachon ko story sunata hai to bolta hai; Aanand: "Munna nay kaha tha k woh mujhay aik month mien meray feet pay khara kar de ga" Bachay: Phir? Aanand: "Phir kya, mujhay us ka bill pay karnay k liye apni car bechna pari."
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